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Bothell Senior High School
Class Of 1952

If you are a classmate of ours and new to this site - please click on  the "Missing Classmates" on the left; find and click on your name; then enter information to your profile. You create your own Password.   

Then take a look at what others are saying in their "Profile". They will have the "check mark" next to their name.   

We need all the help we can get,  with information, pictures suggestions etc. so please contribute what ever you can.   

One of the first needs is the e-mail address(es) of any/all of the classmates. 

Send any info to the "contact us" link.   OR,  Send them an invite to log in to this page using the Missing Classmates box (bottom right corner of this page) and let them update their profile.

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We have had 56,119 visitors to our website

------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for these great shots Helen

Don't just sit in the House; go outside and enjoy nature.

Never mind...just go back inside and watch TV... it is safer at your age!!!

------------------------------------

GREAT TRUTHS


  

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame,

two is a law firm,  
and three or more is a congress.  
--John Adams


  

2. If you don't read the newspaper  
you are uninformed,

if you do read the newspaper

you are  misinformed.

--Mark Twain


  

3. Suppose you were an idiot.

And  suppose you were

a member of  Congress.

But then I repeat  myself.

--Mark Twain


  

4. I contend that for a nation to try

to tax itself into prosperity is like a  
man standing in a bucket and  
trying to lift himself up by the handle.

--Winston Churchill


  

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

--George  Bernard Shaw


  

6. A liberal is someone who feels a  
great debt to his fellow man,

which debt he proposes

to pay off with your money.

--G. Gordon  Liddy


  

7. Giving money and power to  
government is like giving whiskey  
and car keys to teenage boys.  
--P.J. O'Rourke,Civil Libertarian

  


  

8. Government's view of the  
economy could be summed up  
in a few short phrases:

If it  moves, tax it.

If it keeps  moving, regulate it.

And if it  stops moving, subsidize it.  
--Ronald Reagan(1986)


  

9. I don't make jokes.   

I just watch the government 

and report the  facts.

--Will Rogers


  

10. If you think health care is  
expensive now, wait until you  
see what it costs when it's free!  
--P. J. O'Rourke
                      

  

11. No man's life, liberty, or  
property is safe while the  
legislature is in session.  
--Mark Twain(1866)


  

12. Talk is cheap, except when  
Congress does it. --Anonymous


  

13. The inherent vice of capitalism is  
the unequal sharing of the blessings.   

The inherent blessing of socialism

is the equal sharing of misery.

-- Winston Churchill


  

14. The only difference between a  
tax man and a taxidermist is that  
the taxidermist leaves the skin.  
--   Mark Twain


  

15. There is no distinctly

Native  American criminal class,

save  Congress.

--Mark Twain


  

16. What this country needs are  
more unemployed politicians  
--Edward Langley,
Artist (1928-1995)


  

17. A government big enough

to give you everything you want,

is  strong enough to take

everything  you have.

--Thomas Jefferson


   
  

FIVE BEST SENTENCES


  

1. You cannot legislate

the poor into  prosperity,

by legislating the wealthy

out of prosperity.


  

2. What one person receives without  
working for, another person must  
work for without receiving.


  

3. The government cannot give to  
anybody anything that the  
government does not first take  
from somebody else.


  

4. You cannot multiply wealth

by  dividing it.


  

5. When half of the people get

the  idea that they do not have to work,

because the other half

is going to take care of them,

and when the other half gets

the idea that it does no good to work,

because somebody else

is going to get what they work for,

that is the  beginning

of the end of any nation!

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What a Party

Thanks Helen

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

MR CRAYOLA
Don Marco, the Master Crayola Artist
Don Marco was born in Northern Minnesota in the late 1920's. His
interest in art was evident even
before starting school. As a young
--adult in the Army Air Corp, he
began his life's career in Air Traffic
Control, which continued until his
retirement from Honolulu International
Airport in 1973. Much of his spare time
was spent as a professional artist.
Before retirement, Don started
developing a technique to create
fine art, using Crayola Crayons. Shortly after retiring, he published his
first print. Living in Southern California, his work was in demand,
including commissions from Burt Reynolds and a one-man
show at his Dinner Theater in Florida ...
It's hard to imagine these are
done with crayons!
Burt Reynolds
Here are the names of the pictures. Can any one help me to identify  /associate the names with the pictures?
I have numbered the pictures
 
Tom Selleck
Burt Reynolds
Seascape
River Elk
Quigley
Navajo Meeting
Mountain Man
James Arness
High Country Morning
Geronimo
End of the Day
Apache
Bear Bull
Black Eagle
Catch of the Day
Chief Red Wing 
Christ
Clint Eastwood
John Wayne
Eagle

1

2

3

4

5

 

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

 

A must see!  Sorry about the ads.  Click on the 'play' button in the middle of the picture

Duelling pianos

 

--------------------------
 One of the best comedy series ever produced
 
In case you have never seen this - - -have a good laugh
 
A BRILLIANT PIECE OF  COMEDY... BRILLIANT WRITING AND BRILLIANT PRESENTATION... 
 
                                Archie Bunker's Eulogy
https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=MnignqBw4CY 

 

 

---------------------------------------------------------

Try clicking the play button in the middle of the picture below for "Lost in the 50's tonighlt." 

See how many of the scenes in these pictures you remember.

 

----------------------------

Thanks to Diane Mertz for the following.

 

-----------------------------

Thanks again to Leonard Payne for the following.

 

 
MUSTARD
I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father).
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich" she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers...
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.
With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard Poupon".

 

-----------------------------------------

Joke: The Alphabet of Marriage

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. 
 
He looked at her carefully, then said, "You are  A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." 
 
She asks ... "What does that mean?

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy,Gorgeous and Hot!"
 

She beamed at him happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely! But what about I, J and K?
 
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!
 
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctors are fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.
------------------------------------------------
*Good one*





 
*I think all sports fans will get a kick out of this letter written to the
Chicago Tribune....*
*No matter which side you are on in the matter of renaming the Washing
Redskins, this is funny. This guy is hilarious…*

*Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an
article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.*

*Dear Mr. Page: I agree with our Native American population. I am highly
insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might
argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans
would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to
offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must
move forward.*




*Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland
Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name
Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland
Browns.The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of
militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white
folk.The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team
named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that
tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.*


*I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion
among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans
Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres. Then there are the
team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are
talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!*











*Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to
our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even
spending habits. Wrong message to our children.The New York Giants and the
San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong
message to our children.The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates.
Wrong message to our children. The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes
without saying. Wrong message to our children.So, there you go. We need to
support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because
the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should.
Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves..As a die hard Oregon
State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also
make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic
teams to something other than "the Beavers (especially when they play
Southern California . Do we really want the Trojans sticking it to the
Beavers???)*
*I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. As for the
Redskins name I would suggest they change the name to the “Foreskins” to
better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in
Congress.*
 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

by Richard Lederer

 

      About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become

obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included

"Don't touch that dial,"

"Carbon copy,"

"You sound like a broken record"

 "Hung out to dry."

A bevy of readers have asked me to shine light on more faded words and expressions, and I am happy to oblige:     

 "Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie."

"We'd put on our best bib and tucker and straighten up and fly right."

"Hubba-hubba!"

We'd cut a rug in some juke joint and then go necking and petting and smooching and spooning and billing and cooing and pitching woo in hot rods and jalopies in some passion pit or lovers" lane."

"Heavens to Betsy!"

"Gee whillikers!"

"Jumping Jehoshaphat!"

"Holy moley!"

We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill.

"Not for all the tea in China!"     

 

Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell?"

"Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.;

of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers."

"Oh, my aching back."

"Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore."     

 

Like Washington Irving's Rip Van Winkle and Kurt Vonnegut's Billy Pilgrim, we have become unstuck in time. We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say,

"I'll be a monkey's uncle "

"This is a fine kettle of fish"

we discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.     

Poof, poof, poof go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone, evanesced from the landscape and wordscape of our perception,

like Mickey Mouse wristwatches, hula hoops, skate keys, candy cigarettes, little wax bottles of colored sugar water and an organ grinder's monkey.      

Where have all those phrases gone?

Long time passing. Where have all those phrases gone? Long time ago: Pshaw.

"The milkman did it."  

"Bigger than a bread box."

" Banned in Boston."

"The very idea! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain."

"Knee high to a grasshopper."

Turn-of-the-century. Iron curtain. Domino theory. Fail safe. Civil defense.

"Fiddlesticks!"

 "Cooties."               

"Going like sixty."

 "I'll see you in the funny papers."

"Don't take any wooden nickels."

"Heavens to Murgatroyd!"

 "And awa-a-ay we go!"     

 "Oh, my stars and garters!"              

It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than "Carter had liver pills."

This can be disturbing stuff, this winking out of the words of our youth, these words that lodge in our heart's deep core. But just as one never steps into the same river twice, one cannot step into the same language twice. Even as one enters, words are swept downstream into the past, forever making a different river.      

We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age. We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory. It's one of the greatest advantages of aging. We can have archaic and eat it, too.

"See ya later, alligator!"  

 


WELL I’LL BE A MONKEY’S UNCLE! 

 

----------------------------

  

darn, I'm older than dirt!!

Someone asked the other day,,

'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?' 


'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,'

I informed him, 'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?' 


'It was a place called 'at home,' I explained!

'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work,

We sat down together at the dining room table, & if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' 

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:


Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.


My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).


We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 11, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God. It came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people... 

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. 


Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was & so was bread.


All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at5AM every morning.


Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies! There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive. 

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.


Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?


MEMORIES:


My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.


How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, NOTthe ones you were told about! {or change the color of the print} 
Ratings at the bottom. 

1. Candy cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephones
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels!!  [ if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records 
10. 78 rpm records
11.Hi-fi records 33 1/3 rpm
12. Metal ice trays with lever
13. Blue flashbulb
14. Cork popguns
15. Studebakers
16. Wash tub wringers
<> 
If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age, &
If you remembered 11-16 =

You're older than dirt !!! THAT'S ME!!! 

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life?.

 

------------------------------------------------

December 04, 2014 - 12:56 PM

SALMON ARM  BC, Canada- Mother Nature sprouted some special flowers last week in Salmon Arm.

It’s a rare phenomenon, but when air is colder than ice on a lake, ‘frost flowers’ can grow. Those blossoms were captured by local resident D’Arcy McLeod.

“It was like a magic garden of flowers growing on the frozen lake,” McLeod says.

He noticed them about a kilometer off the public wharf in Salmon Arm Bay.

“They’re very pretty, delicate things,” he says.

The flowers are in fact ice crystals that form when moist vapour hits the cold air and condenses into icicles. Typically, there has to be little wind for the flowers to form.

With recent snowfall, McLeod says the ice garden has mostly vanished.

----------------------------

----------------------------

 

 This is hilarious 

 

  When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries, the cashier

  said in a bit of a sharp tone, "Strip down, facing me."

 

  Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this

  security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed, including my

  underpants...

  

  After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found

  out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card.

  

  Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

  

  They need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors.

  

  Man, I hate this getting older stuff.

 

 

---------------9-------------------------

 
 
PHENOMENAL 2 LETTER  WORD
 
 
       THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO  CLEVER!
 
 *I'm   sure you will enjoy this.  I never knew one  word in  English
language that can be a  noun, verb, adj, adv,   prep.*    *UP*
 
   Read until  the end ... You'll laugh.
 
   This   two-letter word in English has more meanings  than  any other
two-letter word, and that  word  is *UP*.'  It is listed in  the dictionary
as an [adv],  [prep], [adj],  [n] or [v].
 
   It's   easy to understand *UP*,   meaning toward the sky or at the top
of the  list,  but when we awaken in the morning,  why do we wake  *UP*?
 
   At  a  meeting, why does a topic come *UP*?   Why do we speak *UP*,
and why are the officers *UP* for   election (if there is  a tie, it is a
toss  UP) and why is it *UP *to   the secretary to write *UP* a   report?
We call *UP* our   friends, brighten *UP* a   room, polish *UP* the
silver, warm *UP* the   leftovers and clean *UP* the   kitchen.  We lock
*UP* the house  and fix *UP* the   old car.
 
   At  other  times, this little word has real  special  meaning.  People
stir  *UP*  trouble,   line *UP* for   tickets, work *UP* an   appetite,
and think *UP*  excuses.
 
   To   be dressed is one thing but to be dressed   *UP* is   special.
     And   this *UP* is   confusing:  A drain must be opened   *UP*  because
it is  blocked  *UP*.
 
   We   open *UP* a   store in the morning but we close it   *UP  *at
night.  We seem to be pretty mixed   *UP*   about *UP*!
 
 
    To   be knowledgeable about the proper uses of   *UP*,   look *UP*  the
word *UP*  in the  dictionary.  In a desk-sized  dictionary,  it takes *UP*
almost 1/4  of the page and can add *UP* to   about thirty definitions.
 
   If   you are *UP*  to   it, you might try building *UP* a   list of the
many ways *UP*  is   used.  It will take *UP* a   lot of your time, but if
you don't give   *UP*,   you may wind *UP*   with (UP to)  a  hundred or
more.
 
   When   it threatens to rain, we say it is  clouding  *UP*. When the
sun comes out, we say it is clearing   *UP*.   When it rains, it soaks *UP*
the   earth.  When it does not rain for  awhile,  things dry *UP*.  One
could go on and on, but I'll wrap it   *UP*,   for now . . . My time is *UP*!
 
   Oh  .  . . One more thing:  What is the  first  thing you do in the
morning and the  last thing you  do at night?
 
   *U*
 
   *P*!
 
   Did   that one crack you *UP*?
 
   Don't mess *UP*..   Send this on to everyone you look  *UP* inOr not . . . it's   *UP*  to   you.
Now   I'll shut *UP*!
 

 

 

 

-------------------------------------

HEY,WASN'T THIS US ?

A little house with three bedrooms,
one bathroom and one car on the street.
A mower that you had to push
to make the grass look neat. 


In the kitchen on the wall
we only had one phone,
And no need for recording things,
someone was always home.


We only had a living room
where we would congregate,
unless it was at mealtime
in the kitchen where we ate. 


We had no need for family rooms
or extra rooms to dine.
When meeting as a family
those two rooms would work out fine. 


We only had one TV set
and channels maybe two,
But always there was one of them
with something worth the view. 

 

For snacks we had potato chips

that tasted like a chip.
And if you wanted flavor
there was Lipton's onion dip. 


Store-bought snacks were rare because
my mother liked to cook
and nothing can compare to snacks
in Betty Crocker's book. 


Weekends were for family trips
or staying home to play.
We all did things together .

When we did our weekend trips
depending on the weather,
no one stayed at home because
we liked to be together. 


Sometimes we would separate
to do things on our own,
but we knew where the others were
without our own cell phone. 

Then there were the movies
with your favorite movie star,
and nothing can compare
to watching movies in your car. 


Then there were the picnics
at the peak of summer season,
pack a lunch and find some trees
and never need a reason. 


Get a baseball game together
with all the friends you know,
have real action playing ball --
and no game video. 


Remember when the doctor
used to be the family friend,
and didn't need insurance
or a lawyer to defend? 

The way that he took care of you
or what he had to do,
because he took an oath and strived
to do the best for you. 

Remember going to the store
and shopping casually,
and when you went to pay for it
you used your own money? 


Nothing that you had to swipe
or punch in some amount,
and remember when the cashier person
had to really count? 


The milkman used to go
from door to door,
And it was just a few cents more
than going to the store. 


There was a time when mailed letters
came right to your door,
without a lot of junk mail ads
sent out by every store. 

The mailman knew each house by name
and knew where it was sent;
there were not loads of mail addressed
to "present occupant." 


There was a time when just one glance
was all that it would take,
and you would know the kind of car,
the model and the make. 
 
They didn't look like turtles
trying to squeeze out every mile;
they were streamlined, white walls, fins
and really had some style. 
 
 


One time the music that you played
whenever you would jive,
was from a vinyl, big-holed record
called a forty-five. 


The record player had a post
to keep them all in line
and then the records would drop down
and play one at a time. 


Oh sure, we had our problems then,
just like we do today
and always we were striving,
trying for a better way. 

Oh, the simple life we lived
still seems like so much fun,
how can you explain a game,
just kick the can and run? 


And why would boys put baseball cards
between bicycle spokes
and for a nickel, red machines
had little bottled Cokes? 

This life seemed so much easier
and slower in some ways.
I love the new technology
but I sure do miss those days. 

So time moves on and so do we
and nothing stays the same,
but I sure love to reminisce
and walk down memory lane.
With all today's technology
we grant that it's a plus!
But it's fun to look way back and say,
Hey Look, guys, THAT WAS US!

------------------------------------

MUST SEE & HEAR THE COOLEST JUKE BOX EVER  

Thanks Helen Meidinger

 

Click the link below

http://www.1959bhsmustangs.com/VideoJukebox.htm#

------------------------------------------

LEXIPHILES:

WHOEVER PUT THESE TOGETHER

LOVES LANGUAGE:

 

 

·To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 
·When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
 
·A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
·When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
 
·The professor discovered that her theory of
earthquakes was on shaky ground.
 
·The batteries were given out free of charge.
 
·A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought
tooth and nail.
 
·A will is a dead giveaway.
 
·If you don't pay your exorcist you can get
repossessed.
 
·With her marriage, she got a new name and
a dress.
 
·Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft
and I'll show you A-flat miner.
 
·You are stuck with your debt if you can't
budge it.
 
·Local Area Network in Australia :
The LAN down under.
 

 

·A boiled egg is hard to beat.
 
·When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen the mall.
 
·Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 
·Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
 
·If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
 
·A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
 
·In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
 
·When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 
·The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
 
·He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
 
·Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
 
·When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
 
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
 
 

 

 

------------------------------------------

This is the only time you will see this phenomenon in your life.       Calendar August 2014           
  

August, next year, will have 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens only once every 823 years. The Chinese call it 'Silver pockets full. " So: send this message to your friends and in four days money will surprise you. Based on Chinese Feng Shui. Whoever does not transmit the message … may find themselves poor
>
> Thanks Leonard,  I obeyed (you never know)     

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

And remember.....
"Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person
Wondering ……What The Hell Happened !"

 

------------------------------------------

Summary of Life

 
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
 
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Old age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.. 
 
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 
 
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
 
SUCCESS:
 
At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is .. . ... ..having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money....
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.
 
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
 
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day. 
 
Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

------------------------------------------

Things that you don't see very often

Bread dough being cut

How fences are made

Making a Hot Dog

How Keys work

 

------------------------------------------

The Old Days
 
 
 
 
 Everybody makes fun of our childhood!
Comedians joke.  Grandkids snicker.
Twenty year olds shudder and say "Eeeew!"
But was our childhood really all that bad?
Judge for yourself: 
 
In 1953, the US population was less than 150 million...
yet you knew more people then, and knew them better...
and that was good.
 
A Thingos                  Presentation © Whimsical & Wacky Wits - Compiled                  for your personal enjoyment by karen-Compilation                  Copyright © wacky wits.com
 
The average annual salary was under $3,000...
yet our parents could put some of it away for a
 rainy day and still live a decent life...
and that was good.

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents...
but it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to
the store and buy one...
 and that was good.
 
 
Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet,
Gun Smoke and Lassie... 
 So  nobody ever heard of ratings or filters...
 and that was good. 
 
We didn't have air-conditioning...
so the windows stayed up  and half a dozen mothers
ran outside when you fell off your bike...
 and that was good.
 
http://www.wackywits.com/
 
Your teacher was either Miss Matthews or Mrs.
Logan or Mr. Adkins... 
 but not Ms Becky or Mr. Dan...
and that was good.
 
The only hazardous material you knew about
was a patch of grass burrs around the
light pole at the corner...
 and that was good. 
 
You loved to climb into a fresh bed...
because sheets were dried on the clothesline...
 and that was good.
 
 
People generally lived in the same hometown
with their relatives...
  so "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles...
 and that was good.
 
 
Parents were respected and their rules were the law....
 Children did not talk back...
and that was good. 
 
TV was in black-and-white...
But all outdoors was in glorious color...
and that was certainly good. 
 
 
Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor...
 and the Dad next door knew how to adjust
all the TV knobs... 
 and that was very good. 
 
Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard...
and chickens behind the garage...
 and that was definitely good.
 
 
And just when you were about to do
something really bad...
 chances were you'd run into your
Dad's high school coach...
 or the nosy old lady from up the street...
 or your little sister's piano teacher...
or somebody from church.... 
 all of whom knew your parents' phone number...
And YOUR first name... 
 And even THAT was good!


 
REMEMBER...
 
Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys,  Laurel & Hardy,
Abbott & Costello, Sky King, Little Lulu comics,
 Brenda Starr, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery,
 The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows  Nellie Belle,
Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as
the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning,
and summers filled with bike rides,  playing
cowboy, playing hide and seek and kick-the-can
and Simon Says,  baseball games, amateur shows
at the local theater before the Saturday  matinee,
bowling and visits to the pool...
and eating Kool-Aid powder with  sugar, and
wax lips and bubblegum cigars?

 
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say,
 Yeah, I remember that!
 
http://www.wackywits.com/
 

was it really that long ago?  

 

---------------------------

                 Burma Shave memories
 
 
 
 
                 For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs,
                 here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's.
                 Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old
                 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the
                 countryside in farmers' fields. They were small red signs
                 with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each
                 containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......and the obligatory
                 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.
                 Here are more of the actual signs:
 
                 DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
                 OUT SO FAR
                 IT MAY GO HOME
                 IN ANOTHER CAR.
                 BURMA SHAVE
 
                 TRAINS DON'T WANDER
                 ALL OVER THE MAP
                 'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
                 IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
                 Burma Shave
 
                 SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
                 BY MISTAKE
                 SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
                 HER HUSBAND JAKE
                 Burma Shave
 
                 DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
                 TO GAIN A MINUTE
                 YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
                 YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
                 Burma Shave
 
                 DROVE TOO LONG
                 DRIVER SNOOZING
                 WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
                 IS NOT AMUSING
                 Burma Shave
 
                 BROTHER SPEEDER
                 LET'S REHEARSE
                 ALL TOGETHER
                 GOOD MORNING, NURSE
                 Burma Shave
 
                 CAUTIOUS RIDER
                 TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
                 LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
                 AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
                 Burma Shave
 
                 SPEED WAS HIGH
                 WEATHER WAS NOT
                 TIRES WERE THIN
                 X MARKS THE SPOT
                 Burma Shave
 
                 THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
                 OF PAUL FOR BEER
                 LED TO A WARMER
                 HEMISPHERE
                 Burma Shave
 
                 AROUND THE CURVE
                 LICKETY-SPLIT
                 BEAUTIFUL CAR
                 WASN'T IT?
                 Burma Shave
 
                 NO MATTER THE PRICE
                 NO MATTER HOW NEW
                 THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
                 IN THE CAR IS YOU
                 Burma Shave
 
                 A GUY WHO DRIVES
                 A CAR WIDE OPEN
                 IS NOT THINKIN'
                 HE'S JUST HOPIN'
                 Burma Shave
 
                 AT INTERSECTIONS
                 LOOK EACH WAY
                 A HARP SOUNDS NICE
                 BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
                 Burma Shave
 
                 BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
                 EYES ON THE ROAD
                 THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
                 DRIVER'S CODE
                 Burma Shave
 
                 THE ONE WHO DRIVES
                 WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
                 DEPENDS ON YOU
                 TO DO HIS THINKING
                 Burma Shave
 
                 CAR IN DITCH
                 DRIVER IN TREE
                 THE MOON WAS FULL
                 AND SO WAS HE.
                 Burma Shave
 
                 PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
                 TAKE IT SLOW
                 LET OUR LITTLE
                 SHAVERS GROW
                 Burma Shave 

--------------------------------------------

The greatest game of Snooker ever played.

Click the link below

http://www.wimp.com/snookerplayed/

--------------------------------------------

Get ready for a wonderful  surprise!  AWESOME!!

Click on the link below.

  www.youtube.com/embed/dvB4e9cYa9I?rel=0

--------------------------------------------

ACTUAL ' CALL CENTER ' CALLS


Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for

two days and can't get through; can you help?' 

Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for

Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are

talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5 of the user guide it clearly

states that I need to unplug the fax machine

from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before

cleaning.

Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the

wall.'
------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover

me when I am traveling in Australia ?'

Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?'
------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while

traveling in Europe )

'If I register my car in France and then take it to

England, doI have to change the steering

wheel to the other side of the car?'
------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar,

please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure

that the spelling is correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish

Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear

company in Woven.

Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label --

Woven in Scotland '

------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing

sounds from a phone box told a worried

operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window

to write the number on.'

------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open

Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see

a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you

have done up until this point?'

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I

wrote 'click'.'

------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of

your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from

there?'
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I

just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my

system clock back two weeks will I get my file

back again?'

------------------------------------------------------------
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long

time. I think

this guy should have been

promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the

WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed

from a recording monitoring the customer care

department..Needless to say the Help Desk

employee was fired; however he/she is currently

suing theWordPerfect organization for '

Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer

Support employee. (Now I know why they

record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance;

may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with

WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along and all of

a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen

look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when

I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did

you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the

screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor

around the screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't

accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power

indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it

that looks like a TV. Does it have a little

light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor

and find where the power cord goes into it.

Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug and tell

me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor,

did you notice that there were two cables

plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back

there again and find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged

securelyinto the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on

something and lean way over??'

Calle 'Well, it's not because I don't have the

right angle --it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off and the only

light I have is coming in from the window.'

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha.

Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have

the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that

your computer came in??'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them and unplug

your system and pack it up just like it was when

you got it. Then take it back to the store you

bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose.

What do I tell them??'


Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to

own a computer!!!'

 
Old Age comes at
a very bad time

 

---------------------------------------------

THINGS YOU DON'T SEE VERY OFTEN !!

 

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------------

 

 

 
15 Things You Should Give Up For Happier Life
.
 
Here is a list of 15 things, which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and you'll feel much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering and instead of letting them all go and allowing ourselves to be stress-free and happy, we cling on to them.

Well, not anymore. Starting today, we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go!
 
1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can't stand the idea of being wrong wanting to always be right even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain for us and for others. It's just not worth it. Whenever you feel the 'urgent' need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question from Dr. Wayne Dyer: 'Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?' What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
 

2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, co-workers, or just strangers you meet on the street just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.'By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.' Lao Tzu
 
 3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don't have, for what you feel or don't feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
 
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating Mindset? Don't believe everything that your mind is telling you especially if it's negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.'The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.' Eckhart Tolle

 
5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!'A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.' Elly Roselle
 

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things people, situations and events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It's not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
 

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
 
 
8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you're not just to make others like you. It doesn't work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you're not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
 
 
9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change don't resist it.'Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.' Joseph Campbell
 
10. Give up labels. Stop labeling the things, people or events that you don't understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about.' Dr. Wayne Dyer
 
 
11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn't exist you created it. It's all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.' Franklin D. Roosevelt
 
 
12. Give up your excuses. . A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck and lie to ourselves, using all kind of excuses excuses that 99.9% of the time, are not even real.
 
 
13. Give up the past. I know, I know. This one's hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening. But, you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for the past that you are now dreaming about was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all, life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
 
14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us, is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too (it still is), but it's not impossible. You get better and better at it with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things (and that doesn't mean you give up your love for them because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another. Attachment comes from a place of fear, while love well, real love is pure, kind, and selfless; where there is love there can't be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot co-exist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people's expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them; they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them; to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people's expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need and eventually, they forget about themselves. You have one life this one right now you must live it, own it, and especially don't let other people's opinions distract you from your path.

---------------------------------------------------

 

 

Colonoscopy Journal: (not mine)
  
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

    A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis ..

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

   I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'


I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.   I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of  America 's enemies.


I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

    Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my  preparation.  In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.


Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.  You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter  plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug..  This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon..


The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'


This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.


MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?  This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.   You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently.  You eliminate everything..  And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.


After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.


The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous.  Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage.  I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?'  How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.


At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..


Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.  Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down.  Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.    
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.  You would have no choice but to burn your house.


When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.  I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere..  I was seriously nervous at this point.

    Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.


There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA.  I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.


'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.


'Ha ha,' I said.   And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade.   If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.


I have no idea.   Really.  I slept through it..  One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

    
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt.  I felt excellent.  I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.



On the subject of Colonoscopies... 
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:


1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'


2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'


3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'


4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'


5. 'You know, in  Arkansas , we're now legally married.'


6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'


7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out....'


8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'


9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'


10.. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'


11.. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'


12.. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'


And the best one of all: 
13.. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

---------------------------------------------------

 

YOU HAD JUST ONE JOB TO DO  (See the results below)

---------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------

 

Ponderisms

1.  Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those
little bottles of Evian  water?
Try spelling Evian backwards :  NAIVE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

2. Isn't  making a smoking section in a restaurant like making  a peeing
section in a swimming pool?  (My  sentiments  exactly!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

3.   OK ..... so if the  Jacksonville Jaguars  are known as the 'Jags'
and the  Tampa    Bay  Buccaneers are known  as  the 'Bucs,' what does
that make the   Tennessee   Titans?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

4.   If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does  that mean that one
enjoys  it?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

5.    If people from  Poland are called Poles,  why aren't people from
Holland  called  Holes?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

6.   If a pig loses its voice, is it  disgruntled?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  *~*~*~*

7.   Why do croutons come  in airtight packages? Aren't they just  stale
bread to begin  with?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

8   Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist  but a person
who drives a race car is not called  a racist?

*  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

9. Why isn't the  number 11 pronounced onety  one?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

10.    If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,  doesn't it
follow that electricians can be  delighted, musicians denoted,  cowboys
deranged,  models deposed, tree  surgeons debarked, and dry  cleaners
depressed?

*~*~*~*~*~*!  ~*~*~*~*

11.  If Fed Ex and UPS were to  merge, would they call it Fed  UP?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

12.    Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee  breaks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

13.    What hair color do they put on the  driver's licenses of  bald  men?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

14.    I was thinking about how people seem to read the  Bible a whole
lot more as they get older; then it  dawned on me ... they're cramming
for their final  exam.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

15. I  thought about how mothers feed their babies with  tiny little
spoons and forks, so I wondered what  do Chinese mothers  use?
Toothpicks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

16.    Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post  Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to  them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on  the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for  them while they deliver the mail?

*~*~*~*~!  *~*~*~*~ *~*

17.  If it's true that we  are here to help others, then what exactly
are  the others here  for?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

18.    You never really learn to swear until you learn to  drive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

19.    Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if  it  didn't zigzag?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

20.    If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her  nose?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

21.    Whatever happened to Preparations A through  G?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

22. At  income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put  the two
words 'The' and 'IRS' together it  spells    ... 'THEIRS'?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.        A.A.A.D.D.

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first...

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking
.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.


At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.... 

--------------------------------------------------------

Finally a computer setting I understand. 

 

  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  This has to be one of the neatest websites whether you have gasoline in your veins or not.  It features the original factory brochures for nearly every American car you have ever owned.

Pick the manufacturer, the year and the model. 

Click on the link below

www.lov2xlr8.no/broch1.html

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

45 lessons life taught me

 

>
> Written by Regina Brett, Now, 90 years old,  of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
>
> "To celebrate growing  older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most  requested column I've ever written.
>

>
> 1. Life  isn't fair, but it's still good.
>
> 2. When in doubt, just take  the next small step.
>
> 3. Life is too short – enjoy  it.
>
> 4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends and family will.
>
> 5. Pay off your credit cards  every month.
>
> 6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay  true to yourself.
>
> 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than  crying alone.
>
> 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take  it.
>
> 9. Save for retirement starting with your first  paycheck.
>
> 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is  futile.
>
> 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up  the present.
>
> 12. It's OK to let your children see you  cry.
>
> 13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea  what their journey is all about.
>
> 14. If a relationship has to  be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
>
> 15. Everything can  change in the blink of an eye But don't worry; God never  blinks.
>
> 16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the  mind.
>
> 17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful.   Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
>
> 18. Whatever doesn't  kill you really does make you stronger.
>
> 19. It's never too  late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one  else.
>
> 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life,  don't take no for an answer.
>
> 21. Burn the candles, use the  nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special  occasion. Today is special.
>
> 22. Over prepare, then go with  the flow.
>
> 23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to  wear purple.
>
> 24. The most important sex organ is the  brain.
>
> 25. No one is in charge of your happiness but  you.
>
> 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In  five years, will this matter?'
>
> 27. Always choose  life.
>
> 28. Forgive
>
> 29. What other people think of you  is none of your business.
>
> 30. Time heals almost everything.  Give time time.
>
> 31. However good or bad a situation is, it  will change.
>
> 32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one  else does.
>
> 33. Believe in miracles.
>
> 34. God loves you  because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't  do.
>
> 35. Don't audit life. Show up  and make the most of it now.
>
> 36. Growing old beats  the alternative -- dying young.
>
> 37. Your children get only  one childhood.
>
> 38. All that truly matters in the end is that  you loved.
>
> 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting  everywhere.
>
> 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and  saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
>
> 41. Envy is a waste  of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.
>
> 42.  The best is yet to come...
>
> 43. No matter how you feel, get  up, dress up and show up.
>
> 44. Yield.
>
> 45. Life isn't  tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
>
 

 

------------------------------------------------------

Aging

 


As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself.

I've become my own friend.

 
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.


 
Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.


 
I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.


They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.


 
Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is
pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.



I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.


 
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.



So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).


 
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi My Friend


One day I had lunch with some friends. Jim, a short,

balding golfer type about 80 years old, came along

with them---all in all, a pleasant bunch.

 

When the menus were presented, we ordered salads,

sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim who said,

"Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate.

 

I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were

aghast.  "Along with heated apple pie," Jim added,

completely unabashed.

 

We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this

all the time..  But when our orders were brought out,

I didn't enjoy mine.

 

I couldn't take my eyes off Jim as his pie a-la-mode

went down.  The other guys couldn't believe it.

They ate their lunches silently and grinned.

 

The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Jim.

I lunched on white meat tuna. He ordered a parfait.  

I smiled. He asked if he amused me I answered,

"Yes, you do, but also you confuse me.

 

How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I

must be sensible?  He laughed and said "I'm tasting

all that is possible.  I try to eat the food I need, and

do the things I should. But life's so short, my friend,

I hate missing out on something good.

 

This year I realized how old I was. (He grinned)

I haven't been this old before."  "So, before I die,

I've got to try those things that for years I had

ignored. I haven't smelled all the flowers yet.

There are too many trout streams I haven't fished.

There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down  

and kites to be flown overhead.

 

There are too many golf courses I haven't played.

I've not laughed at all the jokes. I've missed a lot of

sporting events and potato chips and cokes.

 

I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray

on my face.  I want to sit in a country church once

more and thank God for His grace.

 

I want peanut butter every day spread on my

morning toast.  I want un-timed long distance calls

to the folks I love the most.

 

 

I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked

in the morning rain.  I need to feel wind on my face.

I want to be in love again.

 

 

So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of

having dinner,  then should I die before night fall,

I'd say I died a winner,

because I missed out on nothing at all.

 I filled my heart's desire.  I had that final chocolate

mousse before my life expired."

 

With that, I called the waitress over...

"I've changed my mind," I said. "I want what he

is having, only add some more whipped cream!"

 

Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions,

power, or prestige, but on relationships with people

we like and respect.  Remember that while money talks,

CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM SINGS!

 

 Live well, love much & laugh often - Be happy.

 

       

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